Bede Mark 605 - 8th March 

In attendance:

• Simon Thompson 
• Ian Wardle
• Mark Smith

Lodge Business:

Advance Anthony Benson and Paul Staines. 

Meal:

I don't remember, like a roast dinner with Yorkshire pudding on it.  

Comments:

It was a fraternal visit from Ravensworth Union Mark Lodge so Simon, Ian, Mark and the WM were there.  Apparently the two candidates, badly copper and Paul Staines's dad, hate each other.  This was actually alluded to during the speeches at the festive board, when Benson mentioned they didn't exactly get off to the best of starts.  Smoke alarm sounded during the meeting.  Go Compare man left the temple and found the chef had put his apron on a gas hob.  The festive board room was stinking of smoke.  Neither Bede nor Civic called off their meetings, which was probably a little naughty.  It was funny watching the new members faces as they joined in the 'King was in his counting house' and blue pigeon songs.  So, after Simon had completely dismissed my intention to join Bede, me, him and, surprisingly, Ian Wardle left with joining forms when Wayne said he'd attend Nautilus the following Friday.   

 

Bede Mark - Burdon Road

Bede Mark 605 - 9 February 2024

In attendance:

• Me

Lodge Business:

Installation of the Romanian lad from the Go Compare adverts.

Meal:

Pie, mash and mushy peas.

Comments:  

Ian picked me up and I thought we were both going to Bede but stayed on the floor below and visited Civic instead.  Apart from the Provincial Officer I was the only visitor, but as Matty Jones, Wayne, and William Telfer are members of Bede didn't feel like I was on my tod.  Spoke to the caterer and later found out he was Mr Stirk, the owner of Stirks Butchers.  The ceremony was much of a muchness but the festive board was brilliant.  I won a huge bottle of Famous Grouse in the raffle, collected it to a chorus of 'why was he born so beautiful......'.  I'll never get over the standing on chairs while singing about a bloody great crow.  Afterwards we headed to the bar and a few beers with the Civic lads.

Another brilliant night which again reminded me that I might have joined the wrong Mark lodge.    

Mowbray Lodge - Burdon Road

 Mowbray Lodge 5373 - 7 February 24

In attendance:

• Kaka
• James (bloke off Team America)
• Two newly joined bald members of Nautilus (arseholes)

Lodge Business:

First degree.

Meal:

Curry at Yuraaj Restaraurant.  Lamb curry, rice, nan bread and a coffee cup covered in lipstick.

Cost: £20 including raffle

Comments:

Surprised to see Bro Broad for the first time in ages, and since I'd blocked him on WhatsApp for being an ignorant twat.  His efforts at being normal didn't last long,.  Anyway, you'd have been mistaken for thinking we were observing a lodge meeting in Nigeria.  Both Deacons and the Initiate most definitely hailed from African subcontinent.  The junior warden did a pretty good job, considering, as someone pointed out, English wasn't his native tongue.  Last part of the ceremony was particularly painful as the bloke presenting suffered complete brain fog and had to be helped the whole way through.  We walked to the restaurant at the end of the block and I sat with Mark.  Then after being invited to move nearer the top table I sat at a table by myself and stared at the wall.  Struck up a conversation with James about our mutual love of Border Collies but it fizzled out as he's yet another self-absorbed Masonic bore.  Spoke briefly with the new assistant Provincal ???????? bloke, Rav or Radge, about Stan Samson, who he mentioned in a speech, but basically sat there looking like a right twat.  Luckily, Mowbray don't go in for all of the shite that usually follows the meal so I got away about eleven.  Darren Broad sat opposite the new lad and preached the Masonic way for the entire meal, I'll be surprised if he comes back.  Blanked Martin Lawson on the way out.  

Come to the realisation that we might all be Masons but that doesn't mean we have to be sociable or happy to see each other.  In fact, I think it's probably more of the opposite.    

Spanish Mark Degree Grand Assembly - Benidorm

 District of Spain Mark Grand Assembly

3rd February 2024 

In Attendance:

• Ian Wardle
• Mark Smith 
• Suman Patel (who had told me earlier in the week he was at a conference)
• Two other strange blokes from Ravensworth Union, one of whom didn't even recognise me

Lodge Business:

The Spanish Mark degree Grand Assembly.  Basically giving out promotions. 

Meal:

About eighteen courses of some strange Spanish stuff.  It was very nice but I was so pissed towards the end they could have served up dog eggs and I would have ate them.  

Cost: 48 Euros

Comments:

Well this was a biggy!!!  Vanessa and I arrived on Thursday afternoon, dropped our stuff off at the Grand Hotel Bali, Benidorm, got very drunk watching some blokes aggressively playing dominoes and then had a huge argument.  Friday night was a very entertaining presentation by Mark Smith from The Antiques Roadshow, ex-SBS and a fellow Mark Mason.  Saturday's meeting kicked off at 10:30 and probably went on for a couple of hours.  It was funny hearing the work done in two languages.  Dining was amazing, there must have been somewhere in the region of 400 masons in attendance, and I sat next to miserable looking Michael Davis who was surprisingly good craic throughout and opposite a Scottish pain in the arse called Colin, whom I later found out is universally hated for his bad manners and potty mouth.  Must have tanned at least a couple of bottles of red and a good few beers, so that I was minging by the time the meal was finished.  Quick change then into the bar area to literally dance, and drink, all night with the friendly locals.  Sunday night was a Durham Province organised three course meal, with half a bottle of wine each, at the Chinese Garden......for the ridiculous sum of 24 Euros.  Brilliant weekend, wish we stayed the full week.  

Lodge of Concord - Sunderland

 Lodge of Concord 6859 - 5th January 2024

In Attendance:

• Me (Driving)
• Ian Wardle (Concord Tiler) (Driving)

Lodge Business:

Double second degree and presentation of Grand Lodge Certificate

Meal:

Spicy soup

Pork, Yorkshire pudding, mash, carrots and peas.  Pork crackling on the table

Cheesecake

Cost: £10

Comments:

The two lads being raised, Ginger Amish and Little Pea, were both embarrassingly bad.  Neither knew any of the answers to the questions and mumbled through even when prompted.  Junior Deacon, who has a striking resemblance to Stan Laurel, was completely unprepared for the double ceremony, I felt his pain, but the Senior Deacon was almost word perfect.  I liked the Almoner's Report and how they presented the aprons rather than hand them from the nearest bench.  As I was on my Nautilus tod, Ian being on the other side of the door, I had to give fraternal greetings and made a right hash of it.  Apparently, I was representing Nautilus Lodge 2459 on the night.  Another well attended meeting, with three rows as well as the head table.  Two fraternal visits by Palatine, 97, and Lodge of Loyalty, 8635.  Due to the big FA Cup match the following day practically everyone was on Diet Coke and the toasts were rattled through.    

St Paul - Jarrow

 St Paul 3242 - 4th January 2024

In attendance:

• Darren Davies
• Malcolm Matson (Driving)
• Ian Wardle (Driving)
• Steve Brown (St Paul member)
• 
  

Lodge Business:

Proposals for the St Paul Installation Night and a talk on the building of King Solomon's Temple.

Festive Board Meal:

Vegetable soup.

Mince, tatties, cabbage, gravy.

Some kind of tart in custard.

Cost: £6

Comments:

Really well attended evening considering it was the first week of the 2024.  Malcolm  nodded off during the Master's very informative and interesting presentation and started snoring and Ian turned up after the apologies had been made.  Much talk about the unexpected resignation of Provincial Deputy and upcoming FA cup match between Sunderland and the unwashed from up the road.